God said to me once...

This is in response to this: I'm Christian, unless you're gay and the follow-up "Powerful responses to 'I'm Christian, unless you're gay'"


I wanted to mention something that hopefully will help somebody. I am a Christian, and have been from birth, I suppose. I was brought up in a Christian family and even attended private christian school from k-8. Maybe because of this or maybe in spite of it, I have always had a rather deep and intense relationship with and an immense wonder of God. In my childhood I prayed almost constantly - not necessarily constant on-my-knees supplication, but almost a running conversation with God. Sometimes it was playful remarks, sometimes it was begging in secret turmoil. As I got older I noticed that those in the Bible who actually got to speak with God or be visited by an angel were only able to do this by fasting and going through other rites. So I tried my best to duplicate these rites and I fasted and I prayed and I did not hear the voice of God, nor was I ever visited by an angel. Eventually I sort of stopped doing this, and my conversations with God became more of a somewhat occasional thing, and then a very occasional thing. I never lost faith in his existence, but I did lose faith in the possibility of ever hearing His voice in my own ears. I chalked it up to childish wishing and "got on with my life."

But then, one day after a long time without talking to God and an even longer time worrying and wondering if I was gay or whether that was okay, I slipped back into my old habit of passing comments and asking breezy questions to him in my heart and I timidly mentioned, "God, I think I'm gay."

And I heard His voice that day. And he said, "I know you are, baby."



As if that wasn't enough, a few months later I was getting thrashed a bit by my mother after coming out. (Her tactic of choice was to try and make me confused and doubtful and think I was crazy and had imagined it or been duped into it somehow). Losing my mother was never an option I had considered as an outcome for coming out to her. She had always been vocally pro-equal rights, and vocally proud of her brother who was gay. Suddenly when it came to me, it was wrong and I was wrong and it was a choice and a sickness. So I cried and I wondered whether I should just tell her she was right so that I could have my mom back the way I thought she was, or if I should be preparing myself to get married and have kids and live my life without her. But maybe she was right. Maybe I had jumped to conclusions and maybe I should try dating a guy one more time or maybe I could just fake it and make everyone happy and maybe if I did my mom would stop crying every time she laid eyes on me.

That's when I heard His voice a second time. He said, "You are as I have made you."

In that moment, I was exactly where I was supposed to be. Alone, crying, fighting within myself. It's not a fun place to be, but it was not a surprise to Him. All the things I did before were only to lead me to that point in time and that realization and that small sentence. Why? Because what I did there - how I decided to proceed (or not proceed) - would define me for the rest of my life. And God, I believe, spoke to me only on those two occasions because He loved me enough to nudge me toward a life defined by happiness and strength. In that moment, without his guidance, I was leaning more toward the other choice - of secret self-loathing and quiet despair, because that would have been the easier path. To conform with what was expected of me and acceptable just to avoid the incessant backlash and abuse by those around me. Or, so I thought when I was looking at it on that day. Today, I look at what I have and how I've grown and what I've learned and I know that I could not have picked the other path -- the one of lies and facades -- and lived.

The sentence "you are as I have made you," doesn't just apply to me or even to gays or 19-21 year old girls. It applies to those people waving signs that say "God hates fags" and jeering and vandalizing our cars and our homes. They are as they are meant to be in that moment. They are there maybe for the purpose of helping others to see the wrong. They are there maybe to prepare them for some moment in their own lives in which they will be faced with a dilemma and have to make a choice that will define them for the rest of their lives. It is usually about picking fear or love. It was in my case, and I don't just mean love for myself, but for others like me and for my family and the rest of the population who deserve at the very least not to be deceived by me.

Anyway I got a little bit on a tangent, but I just wanted to say to those struggling with their faith and being gay or different or "messing up" in some way, that it is not God who hates you. You are as he has made you. In every moment. There may be a lot of people who act against you, but God is not one of them. And it is possible, though it seems strange, to be complete and perfect and still be growing.

Just, don't stop growing.

It didn't hurt at all.

The Kids are All Right. The fact that this movie even showed in my area was a miracle, so, I saw it. 10,000 points to the AMC showplace in Michigan City. ...And another 10,000 points to the 70+ year old straight couple who were sitting in front of me and my friend for shattering stereotypes and being generally adorable.

For those of you who are oblivious:



I heard the wrath of the lesbians from my living room in the middle of the boonies the first time I saw the trailer on tv back when it came out in select theaters. It shook the ground a little. I thought, 'Ohh, dear god WHY did they have to have one of them screw the donor? The lesbians are going to KILL them.' Which, some of us apparently did. I'm not prone to violence, especially not when it's against something I haven't even seen. That, and all the reviews of the film by people I trust, a.k.a the staff at AfterEllen said that the movie was not, in fact, a detriment to our standings as lady lovers. They were right. Oh so right. Because it's not about lesbians or lesbian families or gayness or Kinsey Scale analysis. It's about marriage, and parenthood, and family. Anyone who has or has had a family, or parents, or a marriage, or a teenage child, can relate to this movie. It really is a good movie. For all of you gay women that are haters on principal and haven't seen it, stop being a blow-hard and a follower and go buy a 5 dollar ticket and decide for yourself. I'm gay and I watched it and never once did I feel misrepresented or abused and really had no reason to get offended. Honestly. It didn't hurt at all. I realize I'm not making a very intelligent argument here, and the staff at AE did a much better job. In fact, I'm going to just shut up and refer you to their articles. Also, ignore the comments. Decide for yourself.

By Dorothy Snarker

Bridget McManus interviews Juliane Moore

Bridget McManus's review


And all the others I did not read most of them, but they're there for your consideration. :)

It was not long ago

This bullshit about the "groud zero mosque" is getting on my nerves. I really don't think I could say this any better than Keith Olbermann, so I'm adding a video. Watch it. Get your friends to watch it. Yes it is 12 minutes long. It's worth it.





This issue with Americans being so tragically anti-Muslim makes me sad. It makes me sad, because this is EXACTLY what America is about. Freedom. And no, we don't have all our freedoms, and no, we don't have true equality, but FREEDOM OF RELIGION is one thing we do have. It is constitutional and it is right and it is indisputable that each person, in this beautiful country of ours, has the right to practice whatever faith they feel best supports their spiritual life. The fact that the majority of these soon to be picketers claim to be Patriots, makes my heart hurt. If you would take away the Muslims' right to build places of worship, you must then take away our first amendment right to free religion and also free speech. It baffles me that no one seems to see that. Freedom for some is freedom for none. It is a joke, a way for governments to placate the majority by throwing golden veils over their eyes. So long as the rights of some are not equal to the rights of others, we are a country ruled not by democracy but by a government which has its own agenda in mind, and to hell with the people who are its citizens. The more freedoms we give up, the more power we forfeit. This is how democracies crumble, and this is how genocide starts. To think it is right with God to plant bombs in Islamic centers or that you are being a Patriot by harassing some poor child who wants to play basketball at Park 51 is to claim Hitler as a Christian and his doctrine as a noble political stand.


The truth is that Hitler WAS a Christian. He spread fear and then made people love him by twisting parts of the Bible to make uneducated people think he was one of the good guys. Hitler's men all thought that God wanted them to rid the world of Jews, and to start up a new race which would be superior and thus closer to God. They thought they were clearing the world of people God did not want.

Hitler was a Christian, but did people put bombs in Catholic churches? Or picket outside of Protestant community centers, or demand the government interfere in the building of Christian schools, claiming these would be places for Nazi training??


People forget that the Holocaust didn't happen all at once. It took years of planning, and years of brainwashing a people too eager to blame an "other" for what had happened to their economy. But the Jews in Germany were German citizens just like their Christian counterparts were citizens who later allowed them to be tortured and killed by the millions. Muslims in America are Americans just like you. And unless we realize what we're doing and stop, our own Holocaust is just around the corner.

Osama bin Laden and Sadam Hussein are no more Muslims than Adolf Hitler and Mussolini were Catholics.

Don't let ignorance and fear rule your lives. Educate yourself and form your own opinions, because we have the freedom and the right and the opportunity, in this Country of ours, to do so. Not following the lies of those in supposed power, and standing up for Freedom - in all its forms, and for all people - are the most Patriotic things an American citizen could do.